Everybody wants a loving relationship,… but few people are really open or prepared for the ongoing commitment and challenge of shadow work i.e. to take full responsibility for our own projections, inner child wounds and personal healing.
Relationships are so important because the deeper we are connected to someone physically, emotionally and spiritually – the greater the opportunity or catalyst for healing our inner child and transforming our core family and generational wounds.
Without this awareness, we may continue to protect or react from our wounds (hurt inner child) through becoming defensive, angry and blaming others, shutting down or avoiding intimacy altogether.
If we pretend that everything is wonderful and perfect on the outside, we deny ourselves the sacred opportunity to work with the truth – the unpleasant emotions that get triggered in us. It is only through acknowledging that our shadow/wounds exist, that we can begin to grow towards being more authentic and truthful with ourselves and others.
The truth is, we need relationships to trigger the wounds we have protected and tried to bury deep within our unconscious. As children, we developed unhealthy patterns, behaviors and beliefs in order to survive our family and society’s circumstances. However, as mature adults, we have a responsibility to consciously work with our history, our family story, our inner child, so that we do not continue to pass on our unhealed past and wounds.
Our soul acts like a magnet to attract the perfect partner and circumstances for healing and transformation to occur. As we work with the opportunities a soul partner offers us to heal and grow, we can embrace our shadow with love, forgiveness and soul understanding. As we continue with this work, we open ourselves towards a deeper capacity to feel and share love.
The soul purpose of a relationship is to share love and help each other heal and grow.
In life, and especially in our relationships,
we often do not “like”
what is being mirrored back to us or triggered by another.
We can choose to protect or defend our wounds,
turn our backs on each other
and walk away from the challenge presented to us.
However, life experience shows –
our unconscious, childhood wounds tend to follow us
into the next relationship… and the next.
In time, we realise that wisdom, self-awareness and maturity
come from looking deep inside
the childhood wounds we carry with us.
Wounds, which require another
to bring them into our conscious awareness
so that they may be faced, transformed and healed.
When we are conscious of our inner child’s needs,
we can step away and disengage from a cycle
of outer criticism, projection and blame.
We can recognise our own shadow parts –
longing to be transformed with love, understanding,
non-judgment, compassion, patience and gentleness.
We focus our energy and time
on the inner changes, we need to make
and the most important personal work we are here for.
When both partners are open to feel and connect
with their unhealed childhood wounds that get triggered,
they have an opportunity to progress
with their inner work of healing and growing.
An intuitive guide can be very helpful to support us
in connecting with what is at the core
of our triggered emotional reactions.
He or she may also offer us beneficial tools
to support our inner child’s needs
for love, compassion and inner safety.
We can therefore approach our challenges as opportunities
to share and grow more together
towards wholeness, love and respect for each other.
With each obstacle on our path,
we have an opportunity to rise together,
reaching deeper levels of love, intimacy and healing.
A soul union is about complementing,
supporting and enhancing
our unique energies and gifts.
It’s also about being challenged –
to confront our old identity, conditioning
and past limited ways of being in the world.
A soul relationship can liberate us from our past –
supporting and encouraging us
to become all we can be.
The soul purpose of a relationship
is to share love
and help each other heal and grow.
The most important journey in life leads us deep inside ourselves!
If we can not be honest with ourselves, how can we be honest with another? In a nurturing and loving relationship with the Self, we acknowledge our shadow in a way that we do not criticise or judge ourselves harshly. We understand its purpose for being there – to provide the lessons and challenges so that we may grow.
In an honest, conscious relationship both partners know that we touch each other’s wounds – and therefore the relationship can offer us a powerful tool for healing, growth and transformation.
“Every moment, it is our sacred choice,
how open we are to forgive, heal and grow
in love, compassion and soul wisdom
– on our Sacred Journey.”
It is of course always our choice how deep we wish to go and how much we wish to face, transform and heal on our own journey.
The true gift and fulfillment of journeying with someone who is open for all of this – someone who also has a good sense of humour, sensitivity, honesty and capacity to love – is the solidity, strength and union you build overtime within yourself AND together as a couple.
Copyright © Jaymie Elder, 2019/21
Jaymie Elder and Juerg Dreamturtle
Our work is to support people on their soul journey. I am dedicated to my own personal healing and shadow work in a relationship with Juerg Dreamturtle (we have been journeying, traveling, creating and doing this healing/shadow work together for 15 years).
We do not pretend to be perfect because we know we can always continue to heal and grow more. Juerg and I share a core belief that our inner work of healing and growing is the most important, beneficial part of our journey we can devote ourselves to in this life…not only for ourselves and our relationship, but for all people and Mother Earth.
Juerg and I are offering support for this very important personal work, which helps us to heal and grow to a deeper level of love, compassion and soul wisdom. Both Juerg and I offer personal sessions for individuals/couples. Sessions are available internationally via Skype/Telegram/Facebook Messenger.
Copyright © Jaymie Elder 2019 – Please only use this text unless written permission is received from Jaymie Elder. Photograph of Sculpture: artwork by Alexander Milov.
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One thought on “Working with our Shadow in a Soul Relationship”
Reblogged this on Rainbowtree Woman and commented:
Have you noticed that now as the earth is receiving much more light than ever before, the shadow parts in many people, as well as dysfunctional power structures, have become much more visible or less “hidden” from plain sight?
If we are continuing with our own most important inner work, we find we can transmute and move through old wounds much faster than ever before. But at the same time, it appears that relationships or people who are no longer an equal resonance of energy simply fall away – more quickly than ever before.
Carl Jung left us with some amazing insights and revelations about his “shadow work”. He said that we do not grow/become “enlightened” by simply staring at the light or imagining “figures of light”, but by looking deep inside i.e bringing to light the unconscious, through facing and transforming our shadow *. He also said that “to confront a person with his own shadow, is to show him his own light”…
This article was written by me several years ago. I wrote it to honour the journey of shadow work in a relationship, which over time, with steady commitment and devotion, allows us to grow to become a much more authentic expression of our true selves.
As we continue with this shadow work, we open ourselves towards a deeper capacity to feel and share love, and attract relationships that are more supportive, authentic and harmonious with who we are becoming.
However, I believe because we are here to evolve and continue to grow, this journey is not linear, a straight path or finite,…Therefore, our inner work will always take us deeper and higher, much like an infinite energy spiral – returning to our innermost core and then expanding out towards the ether.
* Our shadow is made up of our unhealed, hurt, vulnerable parts of self – often originating in childhood but remaining with us throughout life. We can choose to ignore our shadow and unconsciously project it out onto others OR embrace and work with it for the many deeper gifts and insights it can offer us on our journey through life.