Working with our Shadow in a Soul Relationship

Everybody wants a loving relationship,… but few people are really open or prepared for the ongoing commitment and challenge of shadow work i.e. to take full responsibility for our own projections, inner child wounds and personal healing.

Relationships are so important because the deeper we are connected to someone physically, emotionally and spiritually – the greater the opportunity or catalyst for healing our inner child and transforming our core family and generational wounds.

Without this awareness, we may continue to protect or react from our wounds (hurt inner child) through becoming defensive, angry and blaming others, shutting down or avoiding intimacy altogether.

If we pretend that everything is wonderful and perfect on the outside, we deny ourselves the sacred opportunity to work with the truth – the unpleasant emotions that get triggered in us. It is only through acknowledging that our shadow/wounds exist, that we can begin to grow towards being more authentic and truthful with ourselves and others.

The truth is, we need relationships to trigger the wounds we have protected and tried to bury deep within our unconscious. As children, we developed unhealthy patterns, behaviors and beliefs in order to survive our family and society’s circumstances. However, as mature adults, we have a responsibility to consciously work with our history, our family story, our inner child, so that we do not continue to pass on our unhealed past and wounds.

Our soul acts like a magnet to attract the perfect partner and circumstances for healing and transformation to occur. As we work with the opportunities a soul partner offers us to heal and grow, we can embrace our shadow with love, forgiveness and soul understanding. As we continue with this work, we open ourselves towards a deeper capacity to feel and share love.

The soul purpose of a relationship is to share love and help each other heal and grow.


Love Sculptor
“Love” by Sculptor Alexander Milov

In life, and especially in our relationships,
we often do not “like”
what is being mirrored back to us or triggered by another.

We can choose to protect or defend our wounds,
turn our backs on each other
and walk away from the challenge presented to us.

However, life experience shows –
our unconscious, childhood wounds tend to follow us
into the next relationship… and the next.

In time, we realise that wisdom, self-awareness and maturity
come from looking deep inside
the childhood wounds we carry with us.

Wounds, which require another
to bring them into our conscious awareness
so that they may be faced, transformed and healed.

When we are conscious of our inner child’s needs,
we can step away and disengage from a cycle
of outer criticism, projection and blame.

We can recognise our own shadow parts –
longing to be transformed with love, understanding,
non-judgment, compassion, patience and gentleness.

We focus our energy and time
on the inner changes, we need to make
and the most important personal work we are here for.

When both partners are open to feel and connect
with their unhealed childhood wounds that get triggered,
they have an opportunity to progress
with their inner work of healing and growing.

An intuitive guide can be very helpful to support us
in connecting with what is at the core

of our triggered emotional reactions.

He or she may also offer us beneficial tools
to support our inner child’s needs

for love, compassion and inner safety.

We can therefore approach our challenges as opportunities
to share and grow more together
towards wholeness, love and respect for each other.

With each obstacle on our path,
we have an opportunity to rise together,
reaching deeper levels of love, intimacy and healing.

A soul union is about complementing,
supporting and enhancing
our unique energies and gifts.

It’s also about being challenged –
to confront our old identity, conditioning
and past limited ways of being in the world.

A soul relationship can liberate us from our past –
supporting and encouraging us
to become all we can be.

The soul purpose of a relationship
is to share love
and help each other heal and grow.

The most important journey in life leads us deep inside ourselves!


If we can not be honest with ourselves, how can we be honest with another? In a nurturing and loving relationship with the Self, we acknowledge our shadow in a way that we do not criticise or judge ourselves harshly. We understand its purpose for being there – to provide the lessons and challenges so that we may grow.

In an honest, conscious relationship both partners know that we touch each other’s wounds – and therefore the relationship can offer us a powerful tool for healing, growth and transformation.

male and female lion

“Every moment, it is our sacred choice,
how open we are to forgive, heal and grow

in love, compassion and soul wisdom

– on our Sacred Journey.”

Juerg Dreamturtle

It is of course always our choice how deep we wish to go and how much we wish to face, transform and heal on our own journey.

The true gift and fulfillment of journeying with someone who is open for all of this – someone who also has a good sense of humour, sensitivity, honesty and capacity to love – is the solidity, strength and union you build overtime within yourself AND together as a couple.

Copyright © Jaymie Elder, 2019/21


jaymiejuergsicily-2

Jaymie Elder and Juerg Dreamturtle

Our work is to support people on their soul journey. I am dedicated to my own personal healing and shadow work in a relationship with Juerg Dreamturtle (we have been journeying, traveling, creating and doing this healing/shadow work together for 15 years).

We do not pretend to be perfect because we know we can always continue to heal and grow more. Juerg and I share a core belief that our inner work of healing and growing is the most important, beneficial part of our journey we can devote ourselves to in this life…not only for ourselves and our relationship, but for all people and Mother Earth.

Juerg and I are offering support for this very important personal work, which helps us to heal and grow to a deeper level of love, compassion and soul wisdom. Both Juerg and I offer personal sessions for individuals/couples. Sessions are available internationally via Skype/Telegram/Facebook Messenger.


Copyright © Jaymie Elder 2019 – Please only use this text unless written permission is received from Jaymie Elder. Photograph of Sculpture: artwork by Alexander Milov.


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Finding your own path and pace in challenging times.

‘It doesn’t matter how slow you go as long as you don’t stop.’ – Confucius

Surrounded by the 4 giants of the European Alps, these days, competitive and serious hiking is very popular in the mountainous areas we spend most of our time in.

I believe we miss so much of the magic, beauty and energy of the mountains if the path we walk becomes a competitive and serious race against time, each other and ourselves.

Equally, in life, if we are always focused on getting ahead to some “where” we think will be “better” or to accomplish a future “goal”  – we can miss the valuable and perfect teachings for where we happen to be right now…

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When I saunter through the mountains and on many of the old pathways in the Aosta Valley region, I find myself connecting with a very ancient and timeless part of my soul.

Whenever I am in nature, I practice the art of walking slowly and with reverence. I also believe in being open (heart) to listen, feel and connect with what or who is coming to me as a messenger. I love to make my own tracks, pause and rest, go at my own pace and usually I resist following designated pathways set out for serious mountain hikers.

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∼ Butterfly Messenger ∼

On a journey in the mountains I took a few days ago, a messenger came to me in the form of a small, friendly butterfly.

I could see in her wings beautiful colours of luminescent green, gold, orange, blue and brown. These colours kept changing as she gently moved from different angles to the light of the sun. She sat on my shoulder – gently and happily – for probably close to 10 minutes before she flew off into the pine forest.

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Before she flew to my shoulder, I had the feeling that I needed to pause, breathe and do a ceremony or simply give thanks before I reached Juerg, Cento and our campervan at the foot of the mountains (where my journey had begun). However, I was not quite sure what was being asked of me, until the butterfly spontaneously arrived. Before long, I realised that my interaction and connection with the butterfly messenger was my “ceremony”.

As a messenger, the teachings of butterfly
are to appreciate and see the value
in each stage of the spiritual journey
and cycles of life.

Butterfly’s life transformation shows us, we each have the possibility and capacity to be reborn by going within ourselves. Therefore, we can draw much value and learn from the cocoon of darkness, despair, doubt, confusion, tiredness and all the emotions we have been conditioned to view as “negative”.

Honouring our feelings of discomfort and disharmony in relation to where we currently are on our journey (as well as what we may see happening around us in the world), is an important part of accepting that we are forever moving through cycles of change, transformation and growth.

A natural part of growth is feeling discomfort and resistance as we move into the unknown! These are cycles of deep change and transformation, which Mother Earth is also mirroring back to us!

Rather than judge these cycles of change as something “negative” or “wrong” – can we allow what needs to occur from a deep place of trust, love and respect… like the life cycle of the butterfly shows us so beautifully?

Can we observe and learn from Mother Earth by working with the mirror she provides us, as well as primarily focusing our energy on our own inner transformational process?

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In the far distance: Monte Bianco (4,810 m) tallest mountain of the European Alps.

∼ Balance and Patience ∼

I am learning that in order to ease our transition through these current challenging times on the earth, we need two main qualities – balance and patience.

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Balance… Balance can only be found by a certain amount of detachment from the outside world and all of its noise, busyness and distractions… Slowing down to find our balance means we focus more of our attention on our inner being. This involves checking in with our authentic self – i.e paying attention to what our feelings, our center of self/solar plexus, our bodies and our heart are communicating to us. It also involves (with love and compassion) tending to the forgotten, vulnerable, shadow parts of ourselves (our inner child/children), which we may find are being triggered by the outside world and especially our relationships.

What are the unique signs of your body and emotions, which tell you – you need to slow down and reconnect with your own unique rhythm and pace?

When you know you are feeling off-balance, what is your resistance to taking the time and space you need – to come back to your center of Self?

Patience… There is nothing else like precious time spent connecting and being one with Mother Nature. Reconnecting our bodies to her natural and ancient rhythms, seasons and cycles, allows us to remember we are not separate and to be patient with ourselves and our own growth process.

I really love and savour spending time in nature with both my dog and my partner Juerg. However, grounding my energy on a solitary walk in nature and or just sitting and being alone next to a tree, with my own thoughts and feelings is essential for me to retain a sense of well-being and harmony in our shared relationship. This is the same for Juerg too.

When did you last make quality, nurturing time and space for yourself – to be alone in nature – with out any distractions?

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In these times of deep transformation on the earth,
may you pause and rest when you need too…
may you find 
balance and patience…
so that you continue to move forward

with grace and confidence
on your own unique life path and journey.

©  Jaymie Elder

Photos shared are from a 5-hour saunter I made recently, to the top of Monte Zerbion (2722m) with stunning views of the Aosta Valley and three of the Giants of the Alps – Monte Rosa (4,634 m), Monte Bianco (4,810 m), and Gran Paradiso (4,061 m).

I find sacred moments of nourishment, inspiration, quiet reverence and solitude here in the mountains of Italy… where in the world do you find your own precious and healing moments in nature? I would love to hear from you, in the comments below…



Photography and words © Jaymie Elder 2019

My work is supporting and mentoring men and women to embrace their authentic being and be true to the timeless calling of their heart and soul. I offer intuitive guidance and support through Soul Sessions, which take place internationally via Skype. Soul Sessions are a unique chance to feel, reflect and connect with the deeper part of your being – your heart and soul.

For more information, or to book a session
please use the “work with me” link under the menu title – or click here

More reading from Rainbowtree Woman about the soul journey
and the path of healing and transformation, – click here